Thursday, March 26, 2009

Size DOES Matter

My long suffering partner made a comment that has been running laps in my head for some time now. While helping me go thru a mountainous stack of WIP's he innocently opined "Why are all your main characters at least six feet tall? You have a problem with short guys?" Knowing that he had gone to the doctor for a physical recently and was told he had lost a quarter of an inch in height and was now officially five foot eleven and three quarters I just smiled and said "No. Not sure I ever noticed that fact before. Here, have another rice cake." Fact is .......I'm a snob. Yep...only had one BF in my entire life that was under six feet tall. It lasted exactly three months and was doomed from the start. And yeah I know all my main characters are tall. It's a pre-requisite. When I storyboard one of my pieces I look thru an extensive list of modeling and acting portfolios. If the guy isn't six foot or over-he doesn't even get a second look. Used to have a long list of other don'ts: no blondes, no tattoos, no piercings, no thongs, the list went on and on. Used to-that list is gone. Wrote a piece that has a blonde, tattooed, thonged and multi-pierced main character that my beta's are getting hard over, so that list has been banished. The six foot minimum stays tho. Sorry short guys-Trin, Ame, Lisa (yeah the other Lisa too) or Lex might have some work for you. I'll let them know you're available. LOL

I'm five seven. I'm a romantic. I love to cuddle. I love walking on the beach hand in hand, I love to.....well we won't go into that just yet....ahem. All the slots and tabs fit just right with a guy who's six foot or taller. Everything I want is eye level whether I'm standing or kne......uh.....laying on the bed beside him. And of course tall men have big hands and big feet which translates into big other things as well, at least according to old wive's tales. (Trust me.....those old ladies knew what they were talking about.)

Uh...where was I again? Oh yeah. Tall heroes. What other kind are there? I can't see a six foot four bad guy getting offed by a five nine stable boy. Do the math! The swords were close to four feet long. Big hands, big feet required to handle those things. Can you imagine my hero dragging his sword thru the mud......uhm.....the steel sword in the jeweled scabbard... (cough). And the love scenes? No offense to the real couples in the real world but I write romantic fantasies. If I can't live vicariously thru the characters I write then I just can't seem to write convincing dialog. Five eight alpha Ranulf telling six three Bryce he wants to ride him till the cows come home gives me a case of the giggles. My mind is doing a mental Tetris with their bodies. The Twister theme from my youth is ringing in my ears....gigglefest at full tilt.

In closing-just to make sure everyone is straight on the facts: Yes my heroes are all six feet tall or over, all with large hands and large feet so they can handle those big unwieldy swords of theirs and keep their partners healthy, happy and by their sides. Size does matter.......... that came out so wrong.........

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Technically,Technically Challlenged

It's official-I have a blog.
I can't guarantee any words of wisdom or award winning prose but I will tell you what I'm thinking. What's on my mind. WTF I'm pissed about. And maybe even something relevant to writing. I get on the soapbox now and then. I have a bad habit of ranting and there's no way of knowing what I'll go off about. So bookmark me. You won't be disappointed. Might laugh your ass off, curse me to the high heavens or swear you'll never buy a single thing with my name on it but trust me - you won't be disappointed.